Status Update
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Status Update

Status Update a “careful what you wish for” teen fantasy produced on an assembly line by people who’d rather be making a musical, Status Update Scott Speer’s Status Update rings about as true as Facebook’s latest “We’ll protect your data … no, for real this time!” campaign. Starring Disney Channel vet Ross Lynch as a new kid in school who becomes BMOC thanks to a magic phone app, it’s as generic as Lynch’s other recent big-screen outing — playing the eponymous serial killer in My Friend Dahmer — was daring. That film deserved a stronger theatrical push than it got; this one should zip quickly to streaming outlets, lest it poison the appealing actor’s prospects in movie theaters.

Lynch plays Kyle, a shaggy-blond Californian who has been dragged to Connecticut by a mom (Wendi McLendon-Covey) who was fed up with her jobless surfer husband (Rob Riggle). In an avalanche of exposition, his first day at the local school introduces him to every teen-movie stereotype, including the chubby nerd destined to be his best pal (Lonnie, played by Harvey Guillen); the golden-voiced girl of his dreams (Olivia Holt’s Dani); and the Alpha jock, Derek (Gregg Sulkin), who wastes no time destroying Kyle’s cellphone by using it as a puck in a game of hall hockey.

Rushing to the mall to repair his phone, he finds a kiosk operator (Instagram celeb doofus Josh Ostrovsky) who gives him a replacement, urging him to try a new app, U-niverse, that will “make [his] life a little more Namaste.” (Perhaps worried that the mystery man’s dialogue isn’t annoying enough, Speer has Ostrovsky shove his face into the camera several times to seal the deal.)

Duration: 106 min

Release:

IMDb: 5.7